My Faith in Love Restored, Part Deux

Awesome. Ok, so I've flaked on everyone for the last 5 or 6 days, sorry. But this is what I've been up to, and will continue to be up to. I promise to do my best to not become obnoxious about this, but I'm in love. And it's awesome. Also, he makes funny faces in pictures. He makes me laugh. Awesome!

My Faith in Love, Restored

I'm a big fan of The Office, both British and American. I spent a week over winter break of senior year of undergrad watching The British Office. It was a brilliant week that gave me faith in sitcom writers (a faith granted also by Arrested Development), and also inflated my ego because I was down with British humor. Any reason to elevate my ego in the name of "culture" = Awesome.

Sure, it was dry, and that's why "Pacey" left and ignored me for a week while I was a Anglophile. (ok, I'll admit that I suddenly started using British phrases at inappropriate times, ex: "Pacey, don't be a poofter, where's the loo?" at his parents' home & "I want a fag!"in a crowded restaurant .)

But the ending of Series 2 was ambiguous and heartbreaking and convinced me that true love will never work out. I was sad and delighted all at once (and confused b/c that's a big range of emotions, and sometimes I am very simple). SPOILER: Lucy leaves England to move to Tampa with her fiancee Lee after Tim finally asked her to be with him. I was a broken man for a week over this, but eventually I found a new show and moved on, but with disappointment shadowing my TV love-life. Then, almost 3 years later I netflix-ed the wrap-up Christmas Special. Near the end, I'm certian that Tim and Dawn will never actually be together and I've accepted their fate (and the fact that I was going to spend the entire night lonely and miserable...ok, I was feeling dramatic, I can admit that, but I was really sad!!!) BUT, Lucy walked back in to claim her man, and they held hands in the most tender "Us Against the World" way. This moment restored my faith in love. On TV, everyone ends up coupled, but there was no such guarantee on The Office (which is why, perhaps, it was so moving to so many people). This was a little more real, relatable, and we've all felt a little like Tim.

Enough of my hopeless romantic ramblings. I just wanted to share my relief and happiness of Tim and Dawn...even though this kinda happened like 5 years ago...hmmm....And at this point, I'll return to crushing on the boy who made my latte this morning. Cute.

Bonjour!

Gauche Caviar reminded me of a particlarly creative Shrimp Monday. I was a top model turned Patron Saint du Vin. Bonjour!

Library Vision

I've spent my entire day in the library (with the exception of erecting a chicken wire fence...no, really, I did!! I'm so butch), and my vision is going a little wonky.

First, to borrow from a crazy, I'm starting to see the world in fractals. (Holla, Gauche Caviar!)

Also, I'm pretty sure the girl who walked by a minute ago was a Gay Unicorn!

So I close my eyes and imagine myself here.

Ok, point is I'm fucked up & I've spent too much damn time in the library, and so i turn to YouTube.

Criminal Procedure: Why You Can Shoot Someone & How I Will Defend You...But Don't Shoot Someone. It's Trouble and Kinda Mean.

This is the week in which I learned criminal procedure. I should rephrase that. I learned it...kinda...over the last 14 weeks, but as with all law school exams, one does not really learn a subject until the 3-4 days before an exam. (And then again in the two months before the Bar). My general impression is...you're fucked. Really, you shouldn't shoot someone b/c it's most likely going to end up in a plea bargain, which means prison time. Lawyers love the idea of trial work, but really hate going to trial itself, so bonus points for pleas. (Crim Pro 2 at work there). Also, the police will fuck with ya during the investigation, as the Constitution flexibly permits. (Crim Pro 1 there).

Morals of the story:
1. I'm tired of criminal procedure, but civil procedure 2 next week is not any more promising.
2. Don't shoot someone, unless you are Divine, in which case you can do whatever the fuck you want to b/c you are just that fabulous. And who would prosecute an icon like Divine? And if you did prosecute Divine, you'd really have to watch your back for John Waters. I feel like he would do something extra creepy if you fucked with Divine. Like drain the blood from your arm, cut it off, laugh at your shoes, feed the arm to nuns, while Divine fucked herself with a fish. Seriously. Don't shoot anyone.

Penis Power a.k.a. Why I Love Atlanta Public Television

So these clips have been travelling on the blog circuit for a few weeks, but I couldn't help myself. Alexyss talks about getting locked and trapped by "Penis Power," and everytime she says it, I smile. Really, phonetically its "pee-nuuhs." And for that accent, I give Alexyss props. And y'all need to remember "Dick will make you slap someone!" Apparantly you can get so addicted to your orgasm, a groove, a rhythym that will make you slap that man upside the head. Also, the penis is a rocket, with information encoded inside of it. Science. Heavens bless Atlanta's public television. And please, gentle readers, do not slap your man upside the head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKSVXp03Ytk

Coffee Shop No-No's

Ok. I'm writing a papaer, I need wi-fi to access Lexis, but I can't be inside of the school anymore because I see all of those people too too much. So....I come to a coffee shop. Satellite this afternoon, Flying Star tonight.

A list of things not to do in coffee shops, at risk of having bagels and scalding coffee thrown at you: (This is a growing list that will be amended throughout the next 2 days):

1. Do not meet your wedding photographer. No one cares about how delightful you are. Your flowers are dumb. And please, your husband is stationed in Iraq? Fucking call Diane Sawyer and get profiled on Good Morning, America already and leave me and my Peppermint Tea alone. Friggin' Steretype.

2. To Latin American Studies undergrad study groups: Study. Please. You'll get better grades and I won't have to lsiten to endless comparisons of your Mexican grandmothers who provided you love and support and blah blah blah. Enough with the word Patriarchy. And to the two of you in the corner discussing what you believe marriage should be: Make out, have sex, feel uncomfortable in your seminar tomorrow afternoon and shut the fuck up. You're not getting married, and you'll end up living on the west side of Albuquerque wondering what coyuld have been.

3. Please do not call my "Decaf, Tall, Nonfat, No-whip Mocha" a "Mocha with no fun." Ok, I'm plenty fun. I just didn't need the caffeine or the fat...i just wanted the delicious espresso taste with some chocolate. Fun! I'm sensitive about this. Also, I may be showing off that I know how to order a schmancy coffee. Fun!

I'm cranky.

To Make Up for the Last Post

Here's Olive looking beautiful, sitting on my books. It has nothing to do with the last post.

Menses!

I saw this picture on Gawker this afternoon when I was checking out Blue States Lose. fun! I don't have too many thoughts on "lady business" to share with the internet, but I found this inspirational!

Joey Potter Update!!

Joey Potter has chosen neither Dawson nor Pacey. Awesome. Dawson is a bad person, and maybe Drunk Joey pushed one of his friends (but is only feeling a little guilty b/c that friend was short and dumb, and Dawson was flirting with a whack ass British rapper). Mostly Dawson is a bad person. And Pacey is unreliable.

That said, Joey Potter will not begin dating a scary Scientologist actor. As yesterday's religious quiz has proven, Joey Potter is only 39% Scientologist. Not enough for Tom Cruise.

So Joey Potter would like to start dating. Well, after the National Security Law paper is finished. Then, Joey Potter will date. In the mean time, Joey Potter will lust after another man.

Relief from Relgion

A dear friend Gauche Caviar referred me to Belief Net and a quiz of what religion I really am. I was not surprised with the results (though Theraveda Buddhism was the dark horse in this race, but not a surprise given how much I love cats and trees), and I'm relieved that Catholicism/Islam/General Craziness is at the bottom. Holla!

1.
Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.
Theravada Buddhism (94%)
3.
Secular Humanism (93%)
4.
Neo-Pagan (88%)
5.
Liberal Quakers (85%)
6.
New Age (68%)
7.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (66%)
8.
Mahayana Buddhism (66%)
9.
Nontheist (61%)
10.
Taoism (61%)
11.
Reform Judaism (56%)
12.
Orthodox Quaker (50%)
13.
Jainism (48%)
14.
Sikhism (48%)
15.
Scientology (39%)
16.
Bahá'í Faith (36%)
17.
Hinduism (36%)
18.
New Thought (35%)
19.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (30%)
20.
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (28%)
21.
Seventh Day Adventist (25%)
22.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (23%)
23.
Orthodox Judaism (23%)
24.
Islam (20%)
25.
Eastern Orthodox (17%)
26.
Roman Catholic (17%)
27.
Jehovah's Witness (16%)

Sunday Brunch Weekly Recap

I feel strongly about Brunch. It may be a gay thing...the gays love Brunch. It's a delicious time of the week. On Sunday mornings/afternoons, you can satisfy your cravings for Eggs Benedict, Bacon and Croissants & Cheeseburgers, Fish Sticks and Spinach Alfredo. There are no limits to the deliciousness of Brunch.

I've been an advocate of Brunch here in Albuquerque, but my pleas fall on deaf ears. Still, no alcohol can be served before noon on Sundays, and really, a staple of Brunch is a Mimosa. Simple Orange Juice will not do. It MUST have champagne. I think this unfair prohibition on good times and good taste is why Brunch has never taken off in Burque. I've looked and looked, but the closest one gets to Brunch is the all day breakfast at the Flying Star.

Today, I've taken myself to the local Satellite for Peppermint Tea and Croissants to serve as my Brunch. I'm also alone, which is another failure of the Brunch system. I got in late last night from Santa Fe and Boyfriend wanted to go straight to bed. So I woke up and took myself to Brunch. Ran into my friend Angela, who gave me tea, hooray! Also tlaked to my friend Sarah from my Madstone days, and I immediately remembered why i liked her so much. We mourned the passing of Madstone and the used car lot that stands on its indie spirit's grave.

Also, this is an excellent time (my lonely brunches, b/c I'm the only one in ABQ qho believes sostrongly in Brunch) to recap the week:

SO: Hedwig last night at the College of Santa Fe, which is apparantly an art school that I never knew about. It was fantastic! Of course, as with any production, there were flaws, or alternative interpretations of Hedwig. Still, Hedwig was fantastic and radiant. No one could take their eyes off of her, especially during "Wig in a Box." My only wish was that the audience had known Hedwig before. It was nice to get out of town, too. Sometimes you jsut need to. And I'm slowly getting over my Santa Fe bias (one day I'll rant about the upstairs/downstairs way in which that town operates).

Jennifer's on the phone, and I should talk to her (a cat just ran into her apartment, fun!), but i'll leave you with this:

tomorrow night: HomoRevolution Tour!

A Scene

Do you see this lovely girl pictured? Well, you've been decieved by her pleasant looks and soft speaking manner. Here's what she was planning on doing tonight:

A Scene:
Jennifer is sitting on her patio/driveway in Austin, Texas. She is on a black lawn chair wearing a t-shirt and black pencil-line skirt with white boots (how very Austin). Next to her chair is a pitcher of Strawberry Margaritas, and in her hand is a red wine glass half full of a delicious strawberry margarita, into which she added an extra shot...for kicks.

Out walks Jennifer's houseguest:

Houseguest: Jennifer, there you are. I just had an awesome (Jennifer throws her margarita at the houseguest without even looking). Ow! Jennifer, what the fuck?!?

Jennifer: You know what Houseguest? Napoleon Bonaparte gave up Islam because he loved his foreskin.

Pause. Jennifer Stares out at the park with a thousand year old gaze, somehow a combination of otherworldy knowingness and the bitterness of sixteen failed marriages.

Jennifer: Yeah, that's right. So, you want another margarita?

Houseguest stands bewildered and walks back into the house and naps further.

And Scene!

Also, I'm sitting in the sun and i'm a little dehydrated.

Liza With a Z

So I was thinking about Liza Minnelli this morning during Criminal Procedure. We got bogged down in defining an "interrogation," and my mind wandered, as it often does. In no way did I expect my mind to wander in the direction of Liza Minnelli. Seriously.

What at 8:15 this could lead me to her? Is today an optimistic day in which I'm in love with love? Is everything sparkling and fabulous to my eyes? Or is everyone I see somehow associated with a musical about Nazi Germany? Is my mother a fabulous anomoly?

I don't know what it is, but I hope that everyone can have a Liza Minnelli kind of day every noe and then.

A Liza Haiku:

Sequins & Drama
She Wears both Naturally
Except David Gest

Who Should Joey Potter Choose?

Does Joey choose Dawson or Pacey? Is it a matter of timing? Is Joey stupid for just not moving outside of the Capeside scope? What about hot professor? Ok, there's not hot professor here...but there could be. Ok, not at my school, per se, but there could be a hot professor out there.

It seems that Pacey has won out for the time being, complete with mention of domestic partnerships and co-habitation. And Joey already had that with Dawson , at least as much as Dawson was capable of.

Joey needs a drink.

Oh, and there will be no Tom Cruise resolution.

Texan Hiakus

A dear friend of mine was kind of enough to drive me to San Antonio from Austin, but made sure to feul me with mimosas for the road. What happened was creative response to the environment into which we were thrust. It resembled what is best perhaps described as the 3rd Ring of Hell, in between the 2nd (reserved for dry cappuccino drinkers) and the 4th (cranky white men who use the word "chafe").

Here are some creative gems:

ironic mustache
tight black jeans and converse shoes
beat up in high school

david has the soul
jennifer has his money
now we can't hear well

jesus fucking christ
it's all disposable shit
large scale soul sucker**

giraffes in texas
no matter what, it's not right
what a travesty.***

blow me new braunfels
and blow gauche caviar too
we don't like strip malls

i get it texas
you like your flags huge and high
compensating much?

**walmart distribution center
***south texas "a wild and vivid land"?

The Most Exciting Thing Ever, Vol. 1

This is Mika, and I love him. Thankfully I downed a Long Island Iced Tea and worked up some liquid courage to run back and take this picture (well, harranged Jennifer into taking it). This is, officially, my most prized possession of the week. I was in the front row for the concert, which was a little weird b/c we were only 2 feet away from him. I'm sure his sense of space was a little violated, but for a good cause (namely satisfying this boy's crush). After the Fratellis (who rock in a very Franz Ferdinand way) I dragged Jennifer to the front, mostly against her wishes and against the wishes of our very sore/tired bodies that had been standing all day. His performance was great, but brief, and he was wearing lavendar courduroy...do with that what you will. He sang "Grace Kelly" which pretty much made SXSW for me. He was swarmed with Austin's Gay Mafia and rabid Perez Hilton readers (I fell somewhere in the middle), but still I got to meet him and take a picture and make some comment (really, can't remember details as i was overwhelmed with adrenaline) about the Scissor Sisters. He smiled and I got a close hug and put my arm around his waist. That's right. 1st base in under 30 seconds. Awesome. This was followed by a cool goodbye, a quick walk out of the bar, and lots of screaming as Jennifer looked on in confusion. Also met P*rez H*lton a few minutes before Mika, but that's not very interesting comparatively. Alarming, yes. Interesting, no. Fat, yes. Striped, yes. Star-struck, no. And Jessica Simpson's dad was somewhere around. Weird. But really, the point is that i met Mika who has the distinction/blessing/curse of being big in England. Love him, and so do the Brits.

It Has Begun

This is the blog that I will keep. I've left many blogs in my wake, victims of my lazy nature. This new blog, however, will last. At least I feel that way 2 minutes into the blogging experience. We'll see 5 minutes down the road. For now I promise good anecdotes, haiku, informative updates & lots of pictures of the cats! Hooray!

Things happening: Just got home from Austin & SXSW. Still feeling a little hungover, but that's probably due to the unexpected Houston layover that left me hungry and cranky (yes, those two feelings were intertwined). It'll take me some time to organize my thoughts of everything that happened, but it is forthcoming and I promise entertainment (primarily being descriptions of whatever the fuck P*r*z H*lt*n was wearing). And there will be Mika. Me fawning over Mika. And my picture with Mika. And Jennifer's reaction to whatever the fuck P*r*z was wearing. And Japanese novelty acts, including a psychadelic marching band, and a 10 piece, all girl, brass/hip-hop band. It was weird.

In the mean time, I have to look studious in my Lexis position (which is the best job ever, hanging out in the library and fixing the printer). Also preparing for 2 interviews this week. Time to put on my fancy lawyer pants.