Criminal Procedure: Why You Can Shoot Someone & How I Will Defend You...But Don't Shoot Someone. It's Trouble and Kinda Mean.

This is the week in which I learned criminal procedure. I should rephrase that. I learned it...kinda...over the last 14 weeks, but as with all law school exams, one does not really learn a subject until the 3-4 days before an exam. (And then again in the two months before the Bar). My general impression is...you're fucked. Really, you shouldn't shoot someone b/c it's most likely going to end up in a plea bargain, which means prison time. Lawyers love the idea of trial work, but really hate going to trial itself, so bonus points for pleas. (Crim Pro 2 at work there). Also, the police will fuck with ya during the investigation, as the Constitution flexibly permits. (Crim Pro 1 there).

Morals of the story:
1. I'm tired of criminal procedure, but civil procedure 2 next week is not any more promising.
2. Don't shoot someone, unless you are Divine, in which case you can do whatever the fuck you want to b/c you are just that fabulous. And who would prosecute an icon like Divine? And if you did prosecute Divine, you'd really have to watch your back for John Waters. I feel like he would do something extra creepy if you fucked with Divine. Like drain the blood from your arm, cut it off, laugh at your shoes, feed the arm to nuns, while Divine fucked herself with a fish. Seriously. Don't shoot anyone.

Penis Power a.k.a. Why I Love Atlanta Public Television

So these clips have been travelling on the blog circuit for a few weeks, but I couldn't help myself. Alexyss talks about getting locked and trapped by "Penis Power," and everytime she says it, I smile. Really, phonetically its "pee-nuuhs." And for that accent, I give Alexyss props. And y'all need to remember "Dick will make you slap someone!" Apparantly you can get so addicted to your orgasm, a groove, a rhythym that will make you slap that man upside the head. Also, the penis is a rocket, with information encoded inside of it. Science. Heavens bless Atlanta's public television. And please, gentle readers, do not slap your man upside the head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKSVXp03Ytk

Coffee Shop No-No's

Ok. I'm writing a papaer, I need wi-fi to access Lexis, but I can't be inside of the school anymore because I see all of those people too too much. So....I come to a coffee shop. Satellite this afternoon, Flying Star tonight.

A list of things not to do in coffee shops, at risk of having bagels and scalding coffee thrown at you: (This is a growing list that will be amended throughout the next 2 days):

1. Do not meet your wedding photographer. No one cares about how delightful you are. Your flowers are dumb. And please, your husband is stationed in Iraq? Fucking call Diane Sawyer and get profiled on Good Morning, America already and leave me and my Peppermint Tea alone. Friggin' Steretype.

2. To Latin American Studies undergrad study groups: Study. Please. You'll get better grades and I won't have to lsiten to endless comparisons of your Mexican grandmothers who provided you love and support and blah blah blah. Enough with the word Patriarchy. And to the two of you in the corner discussing what you believe marriage should be: Make out, have sex, feel uncomfortable in your seminar tomorrow afternoon and shut the fuck up. You're not getting married, and you'll end up living on the west side of Albuquerque wondering what coyuld have been.

3. Please do not call my "Decaf, Tall, Nonfat, No-whip Mocha" a "Mocha with no fun." Ok, I'm plenty fun. I just didn't need the caffeine or the fat...i just wanted the delicious espresso taste with some chocolate. Fun! I'm sensitive about this. Also, I may be showing off that I know how to order a schmancy coffee. Fun!

I'm cranky.

To Make Up for the Last Post

Here's Olive looking beautiful, sitting on my books. It has nothing to do with the last post.

Menses!

I saw this picture on Gawker this afternoon when I was checking out Blue States Lose. fun! I don't have too many thoughts on "lady business" to share with the internet, but I found this inspirational!

Joey Potter Update!!

Joey Potter has chosen neither Dawson nor Pacey. Awesome. Dawson is a bad person, and maybe Drunk Joey pushed one of his friends (but is only feeling a little guilty b/c that friend was short and dumb, and Dawson was flirting with a whack ass British rapper). Mostly Dawson is a bad person. And Pacey is unreliable.

That said, Joey Potter will not begin dating a scary Scientologist actor. As yesterday's religious quiz has proven, Joey Potter is only 39% Scientologist. Not enough for Tom Cruise.

So Joey Potter would like to start dating. Well, after the National Security Law paper is finished. Then, Joey Potter will date. In the mean time, Joey Potter will lust after another man.

Relief from Relgion

A dear friend Gauche Caviar referred me to Belief Net and a quiz of what religion I really am. I was not surprised with the results (though Theraveda Buddhism was the dark horse in this race, but not a surprise given how much I love cats and trees), and I'm relieved that Catholicism/Islam/General Craziness is at the bottom. Holla!

1.
Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.
Theravada Buddhism (94%)
3.
Secular Humanism (93%)
4.
Neo-Pagan (88%)
5.
Liberal Quakers (85%)
6.
New Age (68%)
7.
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (66%)
8.
Mahayana Buddhism (66%)
9.
Nontheist (61%)
10.
Taoism (61%)
11.
Reform Judaism (56%)
12.
Orthodox Quaker (50%)
13.
Jainism (48%)
14.
Sikhism (48%)
15.
Scientology (39%)
16.
Bahá'í Faith (36%)
17.
Hinduism (36%)
18.
New Thought (35%)
19.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (30%)
20.
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (28%)
21.
Seventh Day Adventist (25%)
22.
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (23%)
23.
Orthodox Judaism (23%)
24.
Islam (20%)
25.
Eastern Orthodox (17%)
26.
Roman Catholic (17%)
27.
Jehovah's Witness (16%)

Sunday Brunch Weekly Recap

I feel strongly about Brunch. It may be a gay thing...the gays love Brunch. It's a delicious time of the week. On Sunday mornings/afternoons, you can satisfy your cravings for Eggs Benedict, Bacon and Croissants & Cheeseburgers, Fish Sticks and Spinach Alfredo. There are no limits to the deliciousness of Brunch.

I've been an advocate of Brunch here in Albuquerque, but my pleas fall on deaf ears. Still, no alcohol can be served before noon on Sundays, and really, a staple of Brunch is a Mimosa. Simple Orange Juice will not do. It MUST have champagne. I think this unfair prohibition on good times and good taste is why Brunch has never taken off in Burque. I've looked and looked, but the closest one gets to Brunch is the all day breakfast at the Flying Star.

Today, I've taken myself to the local Satellite for Peppermint Tea and Croissants to serve as my Brunch. I'm also alone, which is another failure of the Brunch system. I got in late last night from Santa Fe and Boyfriend wanted to go straight to bed. So I woke up and took myself to Brunch. Ran into my friend Angela, who gave me tea, hooray! Also tlaked to my friend Sarah from my Madstone days, and I immediately remembered why i liked her so much. We mourned the passing of Madstone and the used car lot that stands on its indie spirit's grave.

Also, this is an excellent time (my lonely brunches, b/c I'm the only one in ABQ qho believes sostrongly in Brunch) to recap the week:

SO: Hedwig last night at the College of Santa Fe, which is apparantly an art school that I never knew about. It was fantastic! Of course, as with any production, there were flaws, or alternative interpretations of Hedwig. Still, Hedwig was fantastic and radiant. No one could take their eyes off of her, especially during "Wig in a Box." My only wish was that the audience had known Hedwig before. It was nice to get out of town, too. Sometimes you jsut need to. And I'm slowly getting over my Santa Fe bias (one day I'll rant about the upstairs/downstairs way in which that town operates).

Jennifer's on the phone, and I should talk to her (a cat just ran into her apartment, fun!), but i'll leave you with this:

tomorrow night: HomoRevolution Tour!